“Hello sir. 7A is down
the left aisle” said the flight attendant. “Would you like me to take
your bags for you, Chairman Jackson?”
“No, no. I’m fine thank
you,” I replied, not taking my eyes off the agenda of the contract meeting in
India.
I walked down the
spacious aisle of the first class cabin and sat down. I continued to read the
details of the 15.7 billion dollar contract for a power plant in India that
would serve as the backbone of my American computer company’s overseas
expansion. “Imagined in America, Built in America, Spread from America.” This
deal would be the stepping stone for this motto. With the all-too-familiar
drone of the flight attendant’s safety speech buzzing in my ears, I closed my
eyes for a nap as the plane roared to life and soared toward Delhi.
---
As I stepped out of the
“International Arrivals” door, I felt the puff of hot July air smother my face.
“God, it’s hot,” I
thought, adjusting the collar of my crisp, black suit.
I quickly walked toward
the exit door where a glistening black Ford awaited me.
“Welcome to Delhi,” said
the chauffeur as he opened the car door.
As I stepped into the
cool dryness of the air-conditioned car, I caught a brief glimpse of a bright
orange sign.
“Summer Special! Only 50
Rupees for Large Dunkin Donuts Coffee!” it screamed.
It was satisfying to
know that at least American coffee had spread to India. Smiling, I stepped into
the car.
---
“I still have 10 hours
before the meeting” I murmured, looking at my watch. “Well, I guess I
might as well take a tour of Delhi.”
Putting on my freshly
ironed clothes, I exited the room and took the express elevator down 80 stories
of the towering J.W. Marriott hotel.
“Can you recommend some
tour sites, please?” I asked the information desk clerk.
“No problem sir. There
is a tour bus stop just 2 miles down the road,” replied the clerk
enthusiastically. “Just walk for a mile down that main road and take a left,
right, left, then a right.
“Thank you.”
“Please keep these basic
safety rules in mind sir!” said the clerk. “Remember to consistently keep track
of your valuables and try to stay on a major road at all times!”
Puzzled, I nodded
politely and walked out of the marble-tiled lobby through a set of revolving
doors and briskly set forth to the bus stop.
---
“Keep track of my
valuables? Stay on a major road?” I thought. “It’s 10am in the morning. I
wonder what happens at night…”
Lost in my imaginations,
I suddenly noticed that I had wandered a strange picture; an endless sea of
low, rust-colored houses with blue metal roofs. Dirt roads littered with
cracked beer bottles, cigarette stumps, and dead flies twisted into the maze of
metal boxes.
Cursing myself for my
stupidity, I frantically pivoted on the spot, looking for the way out.
Realizing that I was completely lost, I started to run down the dirt road
vainly hoping for a miracle as fear started creeping through my heart.
---
“Not another one!” I
shouted in frustration, punching the wall of metal houses blocking my path.
As I turned around to
leave, I noticed four young men looking at me with amusement. I also noticed
that they had fanned out, effectively blocking the only way out.
With blood pounding through
my head, I walked slowly towards them. I couldn’t help noticing their sinister
stares or their mockingly defiant stance. “Ex..ex…cuseme” I said trembling.
Ignoring my words, one
of them said, “That watch….nice…give.”
“What? You want my
watch? I…I can report this you know. Don’t…don’t…don’tmakemecallthepolice” I
finished hastily with false confidence.
It didn’t work.
“Police? You call
police?” they asked, jeeringly. “Police no come here.”
“Why are you doing
this?” I asked trying to buy time. “You…you can work for money, right? What if
you get caught?”
“Work? Work what? Who?
Us? Can you work if want? Not here. Can’t work, no work. So this our work.
Caught? Who catch us? No one care.”
---
Covered in sweat, dirt, but thankfully no blood, I
staggered into my room and collapsed on the cool linen sheets of my bed. My
watch was gone, my wallet was gone, but I didn’t care.
“Can you work if you
want? Not here. Can’t work, no work.”
I let the sentence sink
in.
Of course I could work if I wanted.
Why couldn’t they?
I guess I took being an American for granted. In America,
people get mugged too, but at least there’s compassion. People care, the law
cares, and there are possibilities for legal action. Some call it “The American
Dream” of fairness, equality, and ability to work for happiness. Some may
retaliate with racial discrimination, unemployment, and workers’ strikes. But,
at least people dream. There was no dream in the four men. Maybe American
coffee and computers were not the only things that needed to be spread from
America.
It was very easy to read your story, as well as enjoyable. By including little details like the currency used in India, you made it all the more believable. The narrative essay flowed quite well, although the conclusion sounded a bit like you were in a hurry to wrap things up quickly. Besides that, it tied together both the story you created and the message that you wanted to send. You mention that Americans sometimes take their lives for granted: why do you think it's become this way? If having the "American dream" is the reason, then how else can we learn to appreciate what we have?
ReplyDeleteThis is a creative short story. You were able to capture the suspense of Jackson getting mugged well, and it felt like a realistic scene. To make the story flow more logically, there are a couple of things you may want to clarify. At the beginning of the story, the narrator is “not taking (his) eyes off the agenda of the contract meeting in India.” What specifically is he looking at that has the agenda – a notebook, maybe? Also, Jackson, at the end, thinks about how in America, there is The American Dream, whereas in India, there is not much hope for people. Try to incorporate more hints throughout the story where Jackson may have taken being American for granted, so that the revelation he has at the end makes more of an impact on the story. Good Luck!
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ReplyDeleteDavid-- I thought this was a great story. I wasn't sure where it was going given the question you chose to answer but with subtle details, like smiling when Dunkin DOnuts was found in India, I started to see where you were taking your response. I like that you used a story to answer the question, it was a creative approach that immediately caught and held my attention throughout. The end was poignant and I liked how you clearly did your research about India to make it all the more believable. It was a good read and definitely original!
ReplyDeleteI loved your detailed descriptions all throughout the story which created great imagery and painted a picture to go with the words in my head. I also love how you incorporated little things like American coffee, computers, and even the hotel to show how American's products/innovations have spread around the world. I understand what you are trying to say in your last paragraph and think it is a very good point, but I think the wording/organization got a little bit confusing. Overall very original and fun to read!
ReplyDeleteYour story was reader friendly, but at the same time it contained enough details to make it realistic. As someone that moved around the world and used to travel a lot,I can definitely relate to your post. I can't count the times I took something in America for granted and then when I went somewhere else I felt totally deprived without it. I disagree with the other comments I liked the ending. It made it sound like Chairman Jackson was telling this story to other people and that was how he wrapped it up.
ReplyDeleteYour essay is very powerful: the vivid imagery and jumps from scene to scene make it feel as if I was in a dream experiencing everything. The pace of the essay clearly accelerates in a way that builds tension, but like Angel and Aline said, the ending seems a bit hasty. Maybe you did this intentionally to allow for open-discussion? I personally thought your conclusion that there’s “compassion” in American thieves whereas Indian thieves have “no dreams” is far-stretched, perhaps their dreams were simply beaten out of them by exactly the harsh environment they live in? Finding work is not simple. I would have modified your argument to claim that America provides a place for dreaming as it always leaves room for hope. Nevertheless, excellent essay no doubt.
ReplyDelete- David Papp
(Mr. Moran, this is not one of my 5 comments. Please do not grade). In response to your point about "no dreams," I intended it to be a point about the environment. The reason why America is exceptional is because it provides the environment that allows dreams. As you point out, the Indian thieves can't because of the harsh community they live in; perhaps it was beaten out of them or circumstances never allowed the opportunity. Reading over my conclusion, I agree that it may seem slightly hasty. I had intended it to be a resolution without too much analysis and explanation because I thought it would have more impact and be more thought provoking. However, I see the points made in this and the previous comments.
DeleteI really enjoyed how realistic your story was, I could really picture what was going on with the detailed descriptions. One criticism that I would like to make though is that you should weave your thoughts about American exceptionalism throughout the story instead of putting it all in the last paragraph. I was really intrigued on your stance of the unique compassion that America has towards its citizens. But, do you really think that America is the only country that shows compassion towards its citizens? And who do you exactly mean by "some" when you say some believe in the American Dream? Overall, I enjoyed this story as it clearly got its point across and it was a great read!
ReplyDeleteThis was a really enjoyable read, and I agree with the above posts saying that the subtleties you infused in the descriptions enhanced the story. I particularly liked how you characterized people by the way they speak; such little details brought the characters to life and put necessary emphasis on their social and cultural backgrounds. The dialogue between the thieves and the narrator and the narrator's unspoken thoughts made very clear the point you wanted to make about the American mindset. What are some other things about America that you think Americans or you yourself take for granted?
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