A tiny house sits on a hill. It is cheerful but a little shabby with
an unkempt garden, a fence that has fallen into disrepair and a door that needs
a fresh coat of paint. This door opens and out steps a young women. Her name is
Jessie; she is on the short side with hair pinned back and a sad expression
that she can’t seem to shake. She is struggling under the weight of a cardboard
box labeled pictures that she carefully carries to a small car in the driveway.
As she goes to open the door the box slips out of her hand and pictures go
everywhere. Sighing slightly, Jessie settles herself on the ground to pick them
up.
Behind
her the door bursts open. “MOMMY,” a tiny girl appears dressed in a light pink
dress and pink tights, “Mommy, what are you doing?”
“Oh
I just dropped some of Gran-Gran’s things.” Replies Jessie, “Can you help me pick them up, Anya?”
Anya
dances over, tripping slightly over an over grown rose bush, “Okay Dokey Annie
Okely.” Anya begins to pick things up, but a picture distracts her.
“It’s
me! It’s me!” Anya pushes the picture into her mothers face, gesturing happily
at it.
“No
that’s not sweetie, that’s Gran-Gran when she still lived in Poland,” chuckles
Jessie, she takes the picture to get a better look, “In fact that looks like the
day she left to come here. You can tell by how happy she looks.”
“I
wouldn’t be happy if I had to leave.” Pouts Anya loudly, crossing her arms and
legs and looks down at her mother, “Why would Gran-Gran’s mommy make her
leave?”
“Well
in Poland, everyone thought that America was were you could have a better life.
Remember Anya when you had to draw a picture of the American dream for
preschool and you grew who everyone was happy and living in big houses and they
ate ice cream for breakfast? Well that’s what Gran- Gran’s family wanted.”
“Wow!
Did gran- gran get to eat ice cream for breakfast everyday!?!” Cried Anya
jealously.
“Gran-
Gran never told you this?” Jessie looked rather astounded as she said “How excited she was to go to America
where there was a president who everyone picked together and where she might
get to go to school and live in a house with a picket fence, like in all the
American TV shows?”
“No,”
Anya replied, “No, but she did let me eat ice cream for breakfast once.”
“Well, anyway when Gran-Gran first got here her parent and
all 5 of her siblings lived in a one bedroom apartment in Pennsylvania, Look
here’s a picture!”
Jessie lifts a picture from the box that shows 8 people
squished into the frame. They are all grinning but there clothes and faces are
dusty. In the middle sits gran- gran, an exact copy of Anya with her tiny hands
and long blond hair they even have the same gap in their two front teeth.
“Why are there clothes everywhere?”
asked Anya.
“Well this is how Gran-Gran family
made a living by having a laundry business.”
“Like in Charlie and the Chocolate
factory?”
“Yes, Like Charlie and the
Chocolate factory.”
While Anya skips off to reenact Charlie and the Chocolate
Factory, Jessie rummages in the boxes for more photos. She pauses on one of her
mother, Anya Gran- Gran, wearing traditional collage graduation robes. She is
beaming holding her certificate high showing it to the camera. Jessie runs her
hand over the photo stopping on herself clinging to her mother’s leg. She must have
been barely older than Anya here. Jessie looks into her mothers face; it had
taken her 8 years of night school to get that degree, something that she could
have never done in Poland. Jessie remembered how she would hold her mother’s
textbook over her head so that she could study while cooking dinner. Only in
America her mama would say could a housewife be just as smart as the president.
Jessie
shoves the picture back into the box.
“Come on Anya, we have to get all the boxes out of Gran-
Gran’s house before the realtor comes!”
“I don’t wanna! Why can’t Gran- Gran just keep her house?”
replies Anya.
“I told you this Anya because she is in a better place and
doesn’t need her house anymore.” As she says this she lifts the box into the
car and shuts the trunk.
“Oh,” Anya contemplates this for a moment, “Does she get to
eat ice cream for breakfast there?”
Jessie scoops her small daughter into her arms and pinches
her nose the way her mother used to do with her. “Yes, everyday.”
What a thoughtful, visually-detailed story! It had a warm, nostalgic feel to it, that made a story of Jessie cleaning up her late mother’s house touching. To make the story a little easier to read though, watch out for grammatical errors! (Spelling and adding commas where necessary.) How did Anya go about reenacting Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Also, at the end, Anya seems very against her grandmother’s house being sold. Try giving more hints throughout the story that show that Anya does not want the house to be given up. Good luck!
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ReplyDeleteEvie, the way you incorporated the different generations in a family really gave your story such an interesting flare. The dialogue really came to life with your vivid use of imagery. I thought it was especially unique how you used the young girl to capture how others view the US. The fact that Anya was so young and innocent really brought out how her judgment was a fresh view and insight of what others think of America. You could try and improve the clarity of the root message and how others view America. Maybe try focusing more into Anya’s opinion and outlook on her grandmothers past. The story just had a great flow and tone which I thoroughly enjoyed!
ReplyDeleteEvie, your usage of imagery is really exquisite in your story. I also loved how you really made the characters come alive with the dialogue, I could actually hear the two characters speaking in my head. You could use some editing, and maybe further extended the back round of "gran-gran" a bit before the dialogue. Yes I got the gist of what you were trying to say, but you focused too much on your imagery and not enough on answering the question. Why did she really leave Poland? What was so terrible there? What truly made america more desirable? Your story was charming, but it needed more depth and meaning to why America was the glory land.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story! The visual details and dialogue made it come alive in a way that a dry analytical essay wouldn't have, and clearly portrayed the optimism and hope of immigrants to America. As others have said, I do think you could have focused more on the specifics of how Gran-gran viewed America. Also, it might have been interesting to explore how/whether or not the view of America changed over time from the older generation to the newer one, since America's reputation today is pretty mixed. On one hand, it's the land of opportunity and equality; on the other, it's the land of greedy capitalist pigs. Which view do you think is more prevalent? How would Anya and Jessie see it?
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