Sarah Zhang
F-Block
Moran English
Always
Work Hard
“at the working man’s house
hunger looks in, but dares not enter.”
The
shrill beep of the alarm clock heralded the serene blue light of dawn. Melissa
Cooper slowly drew her limbs out into the cold wintry air as she forced her
heavy eyelids to open. Blindly, she groped for the off button of the clock,
knocking a glass of water off her nightstand in the process.
Sighing,
she hurriedly threw on a worn but respectable skirt as well as a thick, gray
sweater. Crossing to the spill, she bent over with some towels to clean up the
mess but winced as her neck and back twinged suddenly. Melissa rubbed the sore
spots absentmindedly as she wiped up the water and tossed the wet towels into
the trash.
She quickly glided over to the small bathroom,
pausing to comb her hair and brush her teeth before she left. With the same air
of calm urgency, she crossed into her daughters’ room.
Both were soundly asleep as it was four in the
morning. Melissa quietly drew the rumpled covers back over their bare arms and
legs before giving them both a quick kiss on the forehead.
She checked her watch. 4:15. Running now, she
stopped in the kitchen to grab an apple. Melissa paused and opened the
refrigerator, letting out a blast of frosty air as she peeked into the
illuminated interior. It was nearly empty with just a slab of cheese on the top
shelf and half a carton of milk. She bit her lip in frustration; she would have
to go grocery-shopping on top of having to pay the electric bills.
She checked her watch one more time. 4:20, the
silver numbers gleamed. Melissa ran out, locking the door behind her before
starting her battered blue Ford. Its engine growled loudly, breaking the
peaceful silence that had covered the neighborhood. Melissa rubbed her burning eyes
before backing out of the driveway and driving to her workplace.
“Hi, good morning Jeff.”
“Nice to see you Melissa. I see that you’re early
as usual. Remember to finish the project today, we need to get it in by 12 AM
tonight.”
“On it.” Melissa’s heels clicked softly against
the rough gray rug of the office. The rich aromas of coffee and cream made her
belly pinch with hunger as a few tired workers attempted to caffeinate
themselves. Sweeping her dark hair off her shoulders, Melissa settled down into
the swivel chair situated in front of a dark computer screen. She turned it on.
The screen glowed a light blue as it loaded.
Melissa shut her eyes for a few moments, trying to snatch a few more precious
minutes of rest before the endless line of numbers would dance across the
computer screen. Melissa thought of the breakfasts that other people would be
having; toast covered with warm golden butter, fresh yogurt, colorful
cereals...Stop! Don’t think about food!
She looked at the pictures of her two daughters
Eileen and Elaine taped to the gray cubicle walls. Their jack ‘o’ lantern
smiles lit up their thin, bony faces as they looked at something to the right
of the camera. Though they smiled, Melissa could see the constant strain of
hunger etched in their pale skin as well as the in thinness of their bodies. I'll work as hard as I can to keep them from starving!
Melissa looked back at the computer screen and
saw the familiar green background with various documents scattered across it.
Hunching her shoulders, she opened one of the documents and immediately, her
eyes felt seared by the stark white page of the document as well as the tiny
black numbers and lines that covered it. I’m doing this for my children! Melissa
thought fiercely. Melissa began to type numbers into the document,
her tired fingers slowly dancing over the sticky keys of the keyboard.
All around her, she could hear the clicks of
other people typing as they all began their various duties.
Melissa blinked and came out of her trance as she
heard the thumps of chairs being pushed back and the tired calls of farewell.
“Bye Melissa. Aren’t you going home yet?”
“ No Jenny, I have to put in some overtime
hours.”
“Don’t stay too late and say hi to the girls for
me.”
All of her coworkers had disappeared so that the
office was disconcertingly quiet and dark. Melissa picked up her work phone and
dialed home.
“Hi, is this Elaine? Oh Eileen? Yeah, I’m going
to be late tonight, just finish off the food in the fridge. Don’t wait for me.
Yeah, I love you too honey. Bye!”
She checked the tiny numbers at the bottom right
corner of her screen. 9 ‘o’ clock. She still needed to work four more hours.
Melissa fell into a hypnotic work stupor once more as she calculated the
endless rows of numbers before her.
By one AM, Melissa’s eyes refused to stay open
and her stomach was growling with hunger as she hadn’t had lunch or dinner. She
hated taking time off for eating and she disliked spending money on the cup of
Ramen noodles she would have eaten for lunch. Yawning, she closed her computer
and stretched her swollen fingers and aching neck.
She almost dozed off while driving, the blurry
streak of her headlights nearly soothing her to sleep. Melissa arrived back at
her home, then quietly entered the dark house.
Suddenly, she remembered, she hadn’t remembered
to go grocery shopping. Pulling out her checkbook, Melissa anxiously checked
the numbers as well as mentally calculating the cost of her mortgage and
electric and heating bills.
There wouldn’t be enough left over to buy a
week’s worth of food.
She was too tired, she couldn’t do this.
Stumbling to her room, she collapsed on the bed without undressing. Thankfully,
it was Saturday so that she wouldn’t need to get up as early.
The pattering of feet in the hallway woke her and
Melissa saw Elaine and Eileen staring at her eagerly.
“Mom, is there any more food? We’re hungry!” they
chorused at the same time. It was one of their well-rehearsed lines as they
said every night and every morning.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t get anything last night.
I’ll drop you off at Anne’s house, her mom will give you some food. Go get
dressed.”
With light steps, the two girls went into their
room. Melissa got up and dressed as well. Walking into the girls’ tiny room,
she quickly ran a brush through their dull brown hair, the strands limp with
malnutrition.
Anne’s house was a cheerful yellow and from it
floated the most wonderful scent of pancake batter. As she had countless times,
Melissa thanked her lucky stars she had met Anne’s mom, the angel who was
always willing to feed Elaine and Eileen.
“Elaine, Eileen, call me when you’re done, OK?
I’ll come and pick you up. Don’t bother Anne’s mom and be polite and helpful if
she needs you.”
“Yes Mom.”
Melissa smiled fondly at them and then she drove
off back home. Sighing, she took out all the paperwork about bills and other
nonsense from a folder.
As Melissa brought the piles of paper to the
kitchen table, the phone rang shrilly. Frowning, Melissa set down the papers
and picked up the phone.
“Hello?”
“Melissa?
“Oh hi Jeff, I did turn in the project on time.”
“Yes I know, I want you to know that I’m going to
promote you since your hard work has been so excellent.”
Melissa was silent for a moment as she processed
the information.
“Wait, you want to promote me?” she nearly
whispered
“Yes, I do.” Jeff’s voice crackled on the phone.
“Thank you, thank you!” Melissa barely
heard Jeff respond before hanging up. Melissa stared at her bills again, then
at the refridgerator. She could imagine the frozen interior heavy with eatables
for the first time.
Smiling ecstatically, Melissa picked up the phone
and dialed the number for Anne’s house.
I'm drowning in adverbs and perfect active participles(pap's)! Slowly, blindly, sighing, suddenly, absentmindedly, quickly, soundly, quietly, nearly, loudly, softly, immediately, fiercely, slowly, disconcertingly, yawning, nearly, quietly, suddenly, anxiously, mentally, fondly, sighing, shrilly, frowning, barely, and ecstatically all gave the impression of a laborious writing process. Creative writing is supposed to be fun, not a dreaded task. Taking out at least all of these descriptive crutches would make your story much more gripping. Other than that, you are one minor error (the in thinness) away from a great piece. I feel hungry right now!
ReplyDeleteSarah, I actually liked the adverbs. I loved the imagery that they formed. I think that the story was not arduous to read at all. I really loved the beginning, with the alarm and the feeling of waking up and the whole world being disconcerting. I wondered, is the main character a single mother? Maybe you could work that into the story. I think that when it comes to grammar, you should just add a comma after battered and before blue. Also, that her shoes click on a rug is a little strange. I also wanted to know if you were disproving the quote, or just started out doing so, and then proved it at the end. I really loved the names of the daughters and really enjoyed the ending. The story made me respect Melissa and feel proud of her for her promotion. Good Job!
ReplyDelete